i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
