I looked at my own cervix.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
