I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
