Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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