I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
