He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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