and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
