You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
