I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize