she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
