I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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