Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
