so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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