jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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