Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
