i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
