I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
