3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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