Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
