I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
