I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
