So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
