I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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