So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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