i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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