Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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