you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
