Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
