i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
