Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
