tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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