hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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