I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
