Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
