I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize