you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
