We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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