Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
