Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
