in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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