Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
