I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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