he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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