I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
