You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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