Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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