Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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