Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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