my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
