I wish my penis had an off switch
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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