brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
