so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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