My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
