Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
