if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
