Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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