True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
