I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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