So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
