The maid of honor just puked.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
