Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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