I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
