new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
