Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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