were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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