you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
