You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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