I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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