were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
