my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize