im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
organizing the empties. That sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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