piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
